Doubt

Doubt.
I hate this word, I sincerely do. It entitles fear, questionability, and just a whole numerous amount of negative and pessimistic feelings. It comes and goes, sometimes it dwells in my thoughts for a while. Though never did I ever even think on brooding upon it. I would not let it get to me. However, not everyone can say so easily...
I love Angelica. I honestly and truthfully say so without any doubt what so ever. At times have I doubted us? No. But I do fear. Not doubt, but change. Change in which I would be restricted from her. In this sleepless trance I do call distraught, I now think... Babe, this next part is just for you.
I reacted pretty frantically earlier. Somewhat panicked, I tried to assure you the best that I can. Damn my stupid questions! Helplessness...at this whole situation caused by me. Seems as if I may cause many situations, hmm? Doubt is easy to feel, especially in a distance-like relationship as ours. You once told me a week agos, "i sadly doubt us when i get fustrated and sad. i think of why i’m with you.. i forget why when im emotional and i’m sorry ]:<" When I had first read that, I felt crushed inside, was as if all my deepest fears and everything that we had worked for suddenly fell apart. However the rest of that bit suddenly changed everything, "but when im with you im reminded of why i’ve been with you for 5months and 1 day. and dont worry about me saying “we need a break” or “i need space” i know i can’t do that. i’m glad that i have someone as sweet as you. i’m so lucky to have you. you’re the bestest boyfriend ever. you are my mornings, days, and nights. dont know what i would be doing if you we werent together. you make my days better. i dont plan on leaving you anytime soon. i’m way to attached to you. well i hope to be with you for a really long time(: thank you for everything you’ve done for me and everything you will do for me. i miss you every day you not here with me. i love you." In such a short time you brought reassurance to not only yourself but to me as well. But then I somewhat wonder, does that mean that the only way to fix your doubt is for me to physically be there? If possible, I would go to you every single day. But we both know that is not a possibility, at least not yet. We just have to wait some time a bit longer, babe. I do not know what the future may bring...but love, we hold that future in our hands. We can shape it as we would want and if we still work toward it, we can make a lifelong lasting relationship. This I am sure. These times, these "rough patches" we run into now, would be something to bring us even closer if we can get through them. We have our entire lives still ahead of us, my love, why should some doubt bring us down for today when we still have the rest of our lives to set up our happiness? To be able to spend my life with you is the greatest wish I can ever ask for. I pray to God that we would always have each other. I wish every night that we will endure. And as I spend time with you, I feel as if every single wish, prayer, and desire has been answered. Because with you, Angelica, it is like spending time in heaven itself. You are the love of my life, the light in life's darkness, my reason for happiness, the other half of my heart, and undoubtedly the most beautiful, loveliest, bestest girl I can ever be blessed to call the one I love.
I love you Angelica Margallo Patron, oh so truly and deeply do I say so as I wish to be able to spend a long and fulfilling life always by your side.