Restless Nights

It's 4 am and I'm sitting here in bed restless and unable to sleep. I'm sorry for what I had said to you...they were said out of anger and spite rather compassion and care. Because of my disregard and allowing my anger to take hold I ended up creating a rift between us. 2 days gone and rather than feeling better as time progresses, I feel gradually feel worse and worse. Your happiness and love is what I live for. I simply want to make you happy. I allowed my irritant behavior to take the best of me, I still have so much to learn. You were able to point out contradictions to what I was saying, I'm not a very good reasoner when emotionally distracted. I said most of the negative things out of ill feelings and had no true intent on it. I personally and fully accept the guilt and blame for what's happening; I couldn't control my emotions, I'm sorry you had to suffer because of that. I sincerely apologize for what I did...no amount of explaining can express my huge sense of guilt and sorrow. More so than anything, I shouldn't have said anything knowing I was angry, I never wanted to hurt or criticize you to begin with. What I was saying about you not loving me and our time spent together not meaning much if you decided to leave...I'm sorry for that as well. I know you care, I know you love me; I had just gotten so frustrated that I blew the issue out of proportion. I hope you'll never doubt my commitment, I will always love you no matter what; I will neither abandon nor forsake you, I'm here to stay. Even if we go through trying circumstances and struggles, and though I may not know the outcome, I can assure you that you will ALWAYS have to me persevere and accompany you. You are the first woman I've come to say I "love", and I don't love easily. When going through everyday without you it is as life the minutes, hours, and days just pass by in a chaotic and hectic fashion. Like I'm unable to fully grasp any moment of time because as soon as it arrives the moment passes. Though when I'm with you...I experience a blissful, calming sense of peace as if all the chaos and speed of time disappeared; time itself seems to slow and for the moments I lay, cuddle, or embrace you, the world honestly feels like everything is how it should be. It's in those moments where I constantly realize my love for you is true. I'm never one to be to big on buying fancy things or expensive items, as you know by now, I prefer the little things. It's the brief tranquil moments with each other that matter the most. Because no matter what is happening during those moments, we both know it's you and me, right there and then, loving each other and another's embrace. I don't know how else to illustrate this...had I be given the choice to sacrifice anything for you, including myself, it would be given without a moments hesitation. Realizing the importance of another over oneself is, what I believe, the greatest sign of love an individual can give; and I can promise you, that option is always a possibility to me. As your boyfriend, I feel obligated to be responsible for your happiness and your future; as your future can be affected greatly by my influence. Not only am I responsible for that, but as the man I also must be cautious as I also feel responsible for holding us together. Maybe I'm taking too much responsibility or a "bigger bite than I could chew." But either way, I feel that I need to take charge in that. I've been so restless because of my inability to resolve the issue I created...I want you to by happy, I want to hear you laugh, I want to hear the excitement and the happiness in your voice that I've gotten so accustomed to fall in love with. I can't expect you to forgive me...though I hope you will be able to. But whatever happens, don't ever forget I won't ever stop loving you...

With love and care,
Adrian.